Poor Ronnikins
by GloomyBumblebee
Summary: Ron is feeling lonely... who should he run into? yesh... Shexy-Shlutty-Sheamush!!


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A/N: I have no fucking clue of what possessed me to write this fic, but I did, so... I'll deal with it somehow... shouldn't be that bad... should it?  
  
  
**Title:** Poor Ronnikins  
**Author:** SheWhoMustNotBeNamed**  
Genre:** Pure unadulterated fluff!! (and a little humour as well ;D!)**  
Rating:** PG-13**  
Warning: **SLASH ahead!! Don't like - don't read - don't flame.  
**Summary:** Harry has Quidditch Practice and Hermione is getting busy with some redhead girl (...), so Ron is left alone. But, guess what! Seamus is alone, too!!! Coincidence? I think not...  
  
  
  
**POOR RONNIKINS**  
  
  
One slightly pissed Ron Weasley was wandering the halls on his own. Why was he pissed? Let's just say Harry has a "Quidditch Practice" with some Slytherin blond and Hermione is "tutoring" some redhead. Yes, Ginny. Yes, Hermione is a lesbian. Yes, I'm depraved. Yes, I'm deranged, too. Now let's just put an end to the obviousness.   
  
Where was I? Oh, yes... Ron was pissed. Pissed and annoyed, for this has been happening for the last two years (they are now happy 7th years). Since Harry got himself a boyfriend and Hermione had gently rejected him ("get off me, you disgusting... BOY!") Ron had a lot of free time.   
  
He'd turn to Neville for support, but even he had a "special someone" in his life. ((Draco: eww! Longbottom?)) Shut up, you have another story to attend. ((Draco: But- it's angsty!!)) So? ((Draco: I like fluff!!)) Oh, I'll write some fluff for you later... ((Draco: =)!!)) Stupid muses...   
  
So Ron was now wandering the halls of Hogwarts...  
  
"...Aaaall by myseeeeeeeeeeeeelf..."   
  
...singing a not-so-happy (not to mention plainly horrid) tune. He reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, who was snogging fiercely with one Sir Cadogan, and cleared his throat.  
  
"Ahem"  
  
We were fine without the graphic demonstration, but thanks, Ron.   
  
"Anytime"  
  
The Fat Lady blushed at the site of such a fine young man (If I had a say in this...) and asked for the password.  
  
"Quick boy, I don't have all night!!"  
  
"Weren't That Worried Before!"  
  
The portrait swung open as he glanced back at the couple.  
  
"1) eww; 2) when had the password change?"  
  
He was rather sceptical, for even the password was like one big ironic joke directed at him and his miserable fate.  
  
"I'm so miserable..."  
  
Yeah, that's what I said.  
  
"> =P"  
  
Well, how mature is that?  
  
"> =P!!"  
  
Now that's better...  
  
"..."  
  
And perfection comes easily to those who know when to SHUT THEIR PIEHOLES!! (Is that a real word? Cause if it is, I just love it).  
  
Ron walked up the stairs to the boys' dorm. Though it was still early, he planned on going to sleep (a party animal, you've got there!). So, the door opened before him to reveal one sobbing Seamus Finnigan.   
  
And the corny crap begins...  
  
"What's going on, Seamus?" Ron asked.  
  
"Not much..." The sandy-haired boy said "...only my sister is coming to Hogwarts!"  
  
"Oh, really? What's she like?" (RON!)  
  
"Wha-"  
  
"Just kidding" (Well you should be, you cold-hearted bastard)  
  
"Oi!!"  
  
"Ron? Are you ok?"  
  
"Shouldn't I be the one asking that?"  
  
"Well, in theory, yes. But you're shouting to no one and staring at the ceiling as if it were enchanted, which it is, but-"  
  
"Got the point"  
  
"I'm glad... I was getting rather lost"  
  
"So, what's the problem? I mean, your sister comes to Hogwarts, shouldn't you be happy?"  
  
"No, I shouldn't" Seamus sobbed a little more "She's... she's..."  
  
"She's..."  
  
"Evil"  
  
"..."  
  
Ron rolled on the floor laughing. (That's it! *author kicks Ron's sorry @$$* That'll teach you be a little more understanding!)  
  
*Incomprehensible yelp that sounds an awfully lot like "Bloody Castrated Hell!!"*  
  
"So..." the red-haired said, trying to gain his long-lost composure "Your sister is... evil. The problem being...?"  
  
"Are you really *that* thick or you're just playing?"  
  
"I- um... oh, come on!! I come into the dorm; find you crying; I ask what's going on; some insane author insults me; you say your sister's coming to Hogwarts and that she's evil; I laugh and get a castration by that same insane author; and now you say I'm thick! Plus, my two best friends are gay and I'm left alone with Hogwarts' greatest dunderhead!!" (Correction: Hogwarts' second greatest dunderhead is left with the king of the dumbass community)  
  
"Once again... Oi!!"  
  
Quite a vocabulary...   
  
"Shush it!!"  
  
Hey, I'm the author here. Beware. I've killed you before; I won't hesitate on doing it again.  
  
Ron went stiff and paled in horror. Seamus was completely puzzled, glancing between the ceiling and his friend.   
  
"You should go to Madam Pomfrey" Seamus suggested.   
  
"And you should stop treating me as if I was insane (which I'll be any minute) and tell me why your sister's evil and why her arrival to Hogwarts shocks you like this"  
  
"Well, she... she is... she won't understand- she is..."  
  
"What? A Death Eater? A vampire? A homophobe who doesn't know you're the biggest lay for half the male population in this castle?"  
  
That definitely touched something in the back of Seamus' mind, for the red-haired found himself pinned on the floor, an irate Seamus on top.  
  
"Well, well, well... getting clever, aren't we?" Seamus drawled in a husky voice that made Ron's hair stand up like stalagmites. "Say, how would you know that's exactly my problem?" that voice again "Oh, that's right... you didn't know. You just thought it was a nice way to pass the time to make fun of Gryffindor's Sex God -aka Hogwarts' slut- Seamus!!"  
  
Ron cringed under Seamus' weight "I'm... sorry..." he panted. It was getting hard to breathe "I didn't... mean to... offend you..."  
  
Seamus' stern (down right bitchy) look softened, just slightly, at the red-haired's words. He shifted to a more comfortable position, still on top of Ron, and asked "You should know better than to insult me, Weasley" he said, blinking back tears.   
"I might not go easy on you, next time" he looked thoughtful for a moment and then added "In fact, I may just beat you senseless and leave you to bleed to death"  
  
Ron shuddered. He managed to apologise once more, before the sandy-haired pulled himself to his feet and helped him up as well.  
  
"You know," Seamus started while letting himself fall on a bed next to Ron "All this circus actually helped. Thanks, Ron."  
  
Ron just looked at him, somewhere between awe and confusion. What possessed him to do such a thing, not even he knows. But the sandy-haired boy sure wasn't expecting it.  
  
Ron's lips felt comfortably soft against his own, as he let himself drown in the kiss. Go fluff, I say, as Seamus locked his arms around the other boy's waist. Ron rolled on top of Seamus, before letting his own arms rest on either side of his companion.  
He dared licked Seamus' lower lip, which parted slightly from the other to allow a tongue inside. Their tongues melted together, caressing each other sweetly. The air was getting heavier and the warmth spreading between them was unbearable. Panting and breathing hard, they pulled apart in desperate need for oxygen.  
  
"Well..." Seamus broke the silence, still panting "..._that_ was unexpected"  
  
"Tell me about it..." Ron said, rolling on his back again.  
  
They stared at the ceiling or nothing at all, for a good fifteen minutes, before Ron asked "So... Is there anything I can do to help you? you know... your sister..."  
  
"You'd help a lot if you didn't do *that* in front of her"  
  
Ron chuckled "most certainly"  
  
"Let's just forget about her... after she beats the living shit out of me she'll get over it"  
  
"But-"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nevermind"  
  
"Ron..."  
  
"Well, I was thinking..."   
  
Good Merlin in a thong!!! Someone bring a camera!, yelled the author, receiving a death glare from Ron. She actually shut up.  
  
"...If she beat you, then... I'd have to kill her."  
  
"What? Oh, Ron. Always such a supporting friend."  
  
"No, I mean it. I'll kill her. It would be a shame to ruin that pretty face of yours"  
  
"Cheap poetry" Seamus laughed and brought Ron's face closer "You know? I kinda like you"  
  
"The feeling is mutual" Ron frowned "Harry must have rubbed off on me" he squeaked "I really am a queer!!"  
  
"And a good-looking one, at that"   
  
Seamus' last syllables were muffled by Ron's mouth on his own.  
  
They shared Ron's bed for the night. Merlin knows what happened in there that forced them to cast a Silencing Charm on the bed curtains.  
  
  
Ron woke up the next day, feeling flushed and confused. Not only had he shared his bed with someone, but he also found his feminine (read gay) side. He panicked a little as realisation hit him, but he shrugged it off as he looked at his boyfriend. Reaching for his wand, he muttered "_Finite Incantatem_," removing the charm. Pulling the curtains open, he came face to face with The Boy Who Lived, Ferret Boy, Miss Know It All and I-Can't-Think-Of-A-Proper-Name-For-Ginny.  
  
Draco smirked and extended his hand as if expecting to get paid "Now, now. I won."  
  
He was, indeed, expecting to get paid.   
  
Hermione frowned "I really thought he fancied girls. I mean, he asked me out last year."  
  
"Stop whining, Hermione." Harry interrupted "Pay Draco so he can take me to a decent restaurant."  
  
"As if I needed the money... shove it Granger, I don't need it."  
  
"Would anyone mind to tell me what the fuck is going on?" Seamus asked kindly (yes, kindly).  
  
Ron smiled and told him "apparently, my friends here and Ferret Boy" he pointed at Draco "had a little bet going on. Am I mistaken?" the fab-four shook their heads. "So, how did it ever occur to you that I might be gay?"  
  
"Well..." Harry said innocently "...ask Draco"  
  
"Ferret Boy? Explain"  
  
"Well... you see, weasel..." Draco thought for a moment "I have no fucking clue. I suppose you just wanted to be even with your friends..." he smirked.  
  
"Well, you're wrong, but that's alright. Seamus' quite the catch, so I don't really care whether he's male or female or a sweet transvestite.   
  
Seamus blushed "I can be that, too."  
  
Everyone in the room laughed. Harry just patted Ron on his shoulder and said "welcome to the club, mate" and left with his boyfriend, Hermione and his girlfriend following.   
  
Ron turned to face an amused Seamus Finnigan "what's so funny?"  
  
Seamus hid his face beneath the sheets "I was betting, too"  
  
Ron threw a pillow at him and he chuckled "I won, too."  
  
The red-haired stared at him.  
  
"I want my pay"  
  
"You want your pay?" Ron repeated teasingly "you'll have it."  
  
He crawled into bed, once again casting a Silencing Charm. And when the giggling died, so did the author's hatred for Ron Weasley.   
  
And Seamus' sister never made it to Hogwarts for she was, indeed, a vampire and had melted when she got outside drunk; not noticing it was broad daylight.  
  
  
--> **The End** < --  
  
  
  
  
**_A/N:_** Well? D'you think it sucked? Any reviews will be accepted. Flames will be used to melt plastic soldiers. Otherwise, be my guest and pressed that lovely button down there and leave a pretty review. 


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